Sep 27, 2011

Fact vs. Fiction

Things have been rough lately. I've managed to come down with 2 bad illnesses in the past 2 weeks - what was likely a viral UTI (no treatment for that one, joy) and strep throat, the latter of which left me with a high fever for 4 days, painful joints, swollen tonsils, throbbing lymph nodes, and a trip to urgent care. I felt like a walking, achy, raspy radiator.

old radiator 

I was actually rather frightened about what the fever meant, and I had a nice little panic attack - complete with repeating visions of being forced screaming into a spinal tap - about what would happen if I went to the hospital and what they would find.

Yeah, my mind can be a scary place sometimes. I still can't really separate out fact from fantasy - which visions are real, psychic visions? which are hallucinations brought on by depression, anxiety, fear, and imagination? This makes dealing with panic attacks even more difficult, because I become convinced that what I see will come to pass, particularly when I'm not thinking clearly.

I guess the best thing to do is not to dwell on them too much, particularly the negative ones. That only feeds my will into the energy of that pathway and makes it more likely to actually occur.

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