Jun 9, 2014

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Yesterday morning I awoke from a dream in which I was suddenly 14 again, getting ready to start high school - but with all the memories I've made and knowledge I've gained since then.  My mother announced that she had lost her job, and there was talk that we'd have to move somewhere far away. 

My greatest concern at the moment I woke up was that I needed to make sure I still met Jack.  I think I asked to move to Massachusetts, where he would have been living at the time.  Though, after I woke up, I wondered if the people we were as teenagers would still be attracted to one another in a way that stuck.

I wonder what my life would be like if I had the chance to start over, before I got sick and started having problems with anxiety and depression. Before I began to make ill-advised choices about college and my career path, and especially about some of the boys I really shouldn't have dated.

So of course I woke up wondering the eternal question we all ask ourselves - how would my life have been different if I could go back and make different choices? 

Would I have taken more writing classes and found my creativity earlier? 
Focused on a branch of science that doesn't require strenuous activity (like genetics work in the lab, which I still have fond memories of from college)? 
Better avoided the people that caused me more pain than my growth required? 
Chosen to seek my spiritual community in Maryland when I moved here, rather than desperately clinging to my life in Philly by joining a Philly-based coven?
Would I still be friends/lovers with the same people?  Or even be part of the same communities?


  1. This is the question we've all asked ourselves. What we'd do differently if we knew then what we know now. There are several things I'd have done different, but then would I be who I am now??? Probably not. I like what you say about having avoided those who cause more pain than was necessary for the lesson.

    Thanks for linking up for #FlashbackFriday. I have pinned your post to the #FlashbackFriday pinterest board.

  2. Trying to imagine who I would be had I chosen a different path in life makes my head spin a bit! I watched a movie recently called "Mr. Nobody" where he experiences all sorts of potential paths in his life, with the lesson that nobody is perfect and there is no "right" path for each of us, only many possible paths. I really like that.

    Thanks for pinning my post!


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