4 Tools for Self Love

Kelly Ann over at The Four Queens has declared this September as "Self-Love September."  I love that idea and I've been really inspired by all the vlogs about self-love she's been posting over on her YouTube channel.  I want to better embrace self-love in my own life - I think I do an okay job sometimes, but I know I am as guilty as the next person of being unnecessarily down on myself.

So in the spirit of Self-Love September, I wanted to share a few of the self-love tools I use in my life.

Create a Self-Love Mantra
A couple of winters ago I was going through a particularly rough time.  I had just lost my paternal grandmother, and I had gone through an extremely difficult break-up and was feeling guilty about it.  On top of that, I was also feeling guilty and confused when, in the wake of this break-up, I started developing feelings for someone else.

In a fit of inspiration one day, I wrote a mantra for myself that has greatly defined how I approach self-love:

I am on my personal journey to ecstasy.

I wrote this mantra to remind myself that I am not responsible for other people's happiness, only my own.  That I will communicate with my friends and partners with openness, honesty, and compassion about my needs and limits, and that I trust them to do the same.  That I am allowed to have a relationship that fits where I am emotionally, mentally, and physically, and not just one that fits where my partner is in those respects.  

And most importantly, I wrote it to remind myself that I deserve to be happy, and to love and be loved.

I think a self-love mantra is a great tool for empowering yourself, to love who you are and what you want out of life, and to embrace being loved by others.  If you don't already have one, give it a go and write your own, or feel free to borrow mine.

Find a Crystal that Helps with Love
Way back when I was a baby pagan in college, one of the first crystals I bought for myself was a small, 4-ish-sided piece of rose quartz.  Rose quartz is a really good crystal for love, especially fostering love.  This piece has always particularly spoken to me of love for myself.  I usually keep it on my altar or in an easy-to-reach place underneath so that I can hold it when I'm dealing with things like self-doubt.  Sometimes I use it in mini crystal grids for self-healing and empowerment, like this one:

Other crystals that can be good for self love include sunstone, carnelian, citrine, and danburite.  A quick online search reveals there are many more that can potentially help with self love, self acceptance, self esteem, and clearing of self doubts.  I would also suggest handling your own crystals (if you have any) and asking them if they can help with self love.

Make Silly Faces in the Mirror
Lately, I've been having a lot of difficult days where self-love is hard.  So I've taken to making silly, ridiculous faces at myself in the mirror.  Being silly at myself adds that little bit of joy to my day, and reminds me not to take these hard days (or myself) too seriously.  I also like the self-love aspect of knowing that I am good at making lots of different silly faces!

I am completely ridiculous and I know it.  Might as well embrace it! ;)

Use Your Love Languages to Express Self-Love
By far, my favorite tool - and the one that helps me the most - is using my love languages to express self-love.  If you're not familiar with the concept, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book describing the five love languages that humans use to receive and express love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.  For me, I feel I best express love with acts of service - specifically, preparing and serving food for loved ones - and also with physical touch like hugs, kisses, snuggles, and skritches.

So how does this translate to self-love?  I'll cook myself a delicious meal that makes me feel comforted - maybe a tasty and spicy stir-fry, or a cozy bowl of da'al.  Or if I'm feeling more physical, I'll snuggle up with a soft blanket and a book, or take a hot bath (it's like being gently snuggled by water!).  

Tempeh stir fry!  Om nom nom.

If your love language is quality time, make a date with yourself - treat yourself to a delicious meal at a restaurant, or spend a nice evening alone watching a favorite movie.  If your love language is gifts, try making yourself a gift, or even buying yourself something fun or nice - just be careful about this one, because you don't want retail therapy to become a burden on your budget.  Or maybe you best express love with words of affirmation - remind yourself every day that you are awesome, or try writing a self-love mantra like I talk about above.

What are your favorite tools to help you embrace self-love?

Goals for 2015

Gosh, I can't believe we're more than 2 weeks into 2015 already!  Each year I usually set myself some goals (okay, they're really resolutions but we all know resolutions get broken!)  I've spent some time mulling over where I want to take myself this year and what goals to set to get there.  So without further ado...

 1. Blog more often                                                                                                                                                  
I undertook a lot of effort to rename, rebrand, and refresh my blog... and then didn't do much with it.  More blogging this year! 

2. Make more food from scratch                                                                                                                          
I've been trying to make more foods from scratch over the last year or so, in part to challenge myself in the kitchen and in part to eat more nutritious, whole foods and fewer additives and preservatives.  I already make soups from scratch, and I recently learned how to make hummus.  (For the hummus I've been working from this recipe - so much deliciousness!)

Now I want to expand my horizons and make more foods from scratch.  Definitely bread, since we go through a couple loaves a month.  I'd also like to try my hand at applesauce and pesto.  Do you guys have any other ideas on foods to make homemade - maybe something you'd like to see me blog about making?


3. Read at least 30 books                                                                                                                                        
Last year I set a goal for myself of reading 30 books.  I didn't meet it, but that's okay.  I really enjoyed setting aside more time on the weekends and evenings to just read.  I want to encourage myself to keep doing that, so I'm setting myself the same goal for this year.  I'm once again participating in the Goodreads Reading Challenge as I have in previous years - which is an easy way for keeping track of what I read and seeing how "on track" I am for meeting my goal as the year progresses.

4. Stretch and do yoga more often                                                                                                                       
I may have mentioned in here in the past that I have fibromyalgia.  For me, stretching and gentle yoga are by far the best types of exercise for managing my symptoms.  But I've been very lax in getting my movement on and I can feel the consequences of worsened pain, stiffness, and weakness the last few years.  So even if it's just 5 minutes a night or 1 good session a week, I need to do more.

5. Work on my Book of Lore & Craft                                                                                                                     
I bought a new Book of Lore & Craft (what most people call their Book of Shadows) early last year, and after it sat unused for many months I finally cleansed, blessed, and dedicated it at Samhain.  Right now it just has the dedication written in it, but I intend to add much more to it this year.

6. Get married!                                                                                                                                                          
Jack and I have been engaged since Yule 2013.  It's going to happen this year!  We're going to have a private courthouse ceremony soon, once we get our plans finalized.  I'll be sure to share photos and such in here once we finally tie the knot :)

Blog Actualization

Inside, I roar!

At this year's Sacred Space, I attended a workshop on being your authentic self by Lyratah Barrett.  She talked about how we spend too much time in our heads, not experiencing things because of fear.  She also talked about Abraham Maslow and summarized his steps to self-actualization - knowing you are, what you are, your likes & dislikes, your trajectory, your mission, your core values, etc. 

1. Experience things fully and vividly
2. In your life, develop a balance fear and risk
3. Shut out external clues (like other people's opinions) to right vs. wrong, correct reactions to a situation, etc.
4. When in doubt, be honest
5. Be willing to be unpopular
6. Know what works for you
7. Be willing to find out what others' perceptions are of you
8. Focus

There was some neat discussion following this about whether, as a spiritual being in a human experience, one can ever be truly authentic, or if our human experience is only a reflection of our authentic self.  Lyratah also challenged us with several questions, such as "What is your intention/goal in each interaction?" and "Are the challenges you're taking on interfering with or working towards your priorities?"

Although some of what was discussed about pain and choice rattled me for several days afterward, I've been finding myself pondering authenticity in writing.  Is my choice to move my career path to writing an authentic one?  Is my blog, as it is now, helping me work towards my priorities?  Is my writing authentic?  What is my intention in writing in this blog?

When I started this blog back in August, I intended to write about depression and anxiety from a spiritual point of view.  I wrote a few posts to that end, but in all honesty I am not willing to share my deep dark secrets with folks I am not close to.  I am also wasn't ready (mentally or economically) to explore any of the traditional and non-traditional healing modalities to deal with my issues, beyond self care.

What I've realized this week is that music is my healer, and my joy, and one of my biggest spiritual outlets.  Well, okay I knew this already, but what I didn't consciously realize is that sharing music is part of my healing and growth process.  Sharing music on this blog has been incredibly fulfilling to me.  Even if I only have a followers right now (and very few comments *over-dramatic sadface*), it brings me joy and healing to share music that inspires and moves me, and I can hope that it is inspiring or moving or healing for those that listen. 

So after pondering for many months about what to do with this blog, I've decided this is going to be a "pagan music and lifestyle blog."  I'm going to keep sharing music by pagan artists.  I'm also going to share my own music - the chants I write for rituals.  I'm not entirely sure what the lifestyle bit will entail, but probably more of what you've been seeing lately, like photos, crafts I'm working on, and such. 

Are you excited?  I know I am! :)

Monday Music Break: Android Lust

I've been in a very dark place this past week, thanks to a dispute with my coven leadership that quickly spiraled out of control. Between the ongoing anxiety attack and the severe depression that's been lacing my days, I haven't done much besides hole up with Grey's Anatomy and Angel on Netflix streaming, cry, and hug my boyfriend a lot. Oh, and there's been chocolate too. Chocolate is a key ingredient in self care.


Maybe what I really need for these sorts of days is another plushie to squoosh.  A plush Pintsize or Winslow would be super cute, and I have to admit the uber-happy expressions might cheer me up. (If you don't know who Pintsize and Winslow are, go check out Questionable Content!  This comic is made of sheer awesomesauce.)

Source: Questionable Content shop

I did finally feel calm and clear-headed enough last night to draft a letter to leadership about the matter.  I decided to sleep on it and give it a look with fresh eyes tonight to make sure I'm saying what I need to and not saying anything rash or accusatory.

Today's Monday Music Break is inspired by all of the Projekt samplers I've been listening to lately.  Android Lust is featured on several of them, and now I'm kind of in love with their music. A little goth, a little electronica, a little industrial, lots of awesome.



You can listen to more of their music here: http://music.androidlust.com/

What music is inspiring you lately?

The Zen of cross-stitch

I just found out there is a Joann Fabric right across the street from my neighborhood, and they have cross-stitch supplies.

You guys, how did I not know this?? Now I can buy lots of cross-stitch thread and use all of my cross-stitch-ready towels and such, and fulfill my dreams of stitching up towels with silly and snarky messages a-la Subversive Cross Stitch.

But seriously, I love counted cross-stitch. It's so zen - so calming to the mind and body, to just relax into the rhythm of counting and stitching. It's really good for my anxiety since it helps quiet the mind. My Mom used to cross-stitch when I was a kid, which is how I got it in my head to try it. I need to do more of it, but my lack of access to supplies had limited me to kits that came with everything needed to complete a project. The kits are good, though, because they provide easy instructions on how to start, how to make the stitches needed for the project, etc. My first project was a colorful and relatively simple kit that taught me 3 basic stitches. The back is a mess, but I really like the result!

 

Right now I'm working on a kit that, when finished, will show a puppy sleeping on a blanket with the words "Never underestimate the power of a nap." I've been working on this one for... well, let's just say I started it a long time ago :)

 

So which crafts do you do to relax - what is your crafting zen? Let me know in the comments!

It's bananas

This week has seriously blown chunks. I've been realizing (and re-realizing) that there are serious problems with several important things in my life, including my job and my spiritual work. Also, the office has been having serious issues with internet and email connectivity, making it exceedingly difficult to do my work effectively. Suffice it to say, I'm having some serious anxiety and anger management issues because of it. I've been in quite the foul mood all week. Thank you, crazy brain, for making me blow up at my boyfriend just for making silly (and irritating) noises at me.

My cousins pretty much sum up how I feel about this week:

 

I've been trying to be nice to myself to at least balance things out, and possibly cheer myself up. Some of this involved pampering myself, deservedly so. So far this week:

1. Holed up in my room with Hulu and a beer.
2. Went to the salon and got my hair shampooed (the best part!), trimmed, and blow-dried (also quite nice). I seriously had to resist the urge to make happy noises while she was playing with my hair.
3. Convinced my boyfriend to play with my hair while we watched Restaurant Impossible. And made lots of happy noises.
4. Had a really delicious chocolate cupcake. Okay, two.
5. Made myself a really big mug of hot chocolate. Seriously, this mug can hold about 2 normal mugs worth of hot chocolate, and that makes me so happy. I'm thoroughly enjoying that right now.
6. Listened to my friends Peter and SarahKat on their podcast, We Like This Now. (You should go listen too. They're pretty awesome, and taste-test a new beer each week.)

I'm debating whether I should go to Target after work for some retail therapy. It would be kind of fun to have some new clothes to wear to a party I'm going to Saturday night. And it would seriously boost my step count for the 2011 Walk & Ride Challenge.

Alright, you know what? This calls for some serious pick-me-up music. As SarahKat said of this song, "that was bananas!" I like bananas. Bananas are good. Have some bananas.

Self care

As you can imagine I've been doing a lot of self care over the last couple of weeks, what with being so sick, twice. Lots of clear fluids, resting in bed w/ my old friend Hulu, applesauce, resting on the couch in front of the tv, pills, resting in my boyfriend's bed in front of his tv, oh and did i mention resting?

Also, letting Jack take care of me, too. He's such a sweetheart. He's been giving me lots of hugs and snuggles, kept checking on my temperature, fetched food and water for me when i was too tired to get off the couch. He even drove me to the urgent care center in Beltsville and then the pharmacy afterwards last night.

I've been thinking a lot about self care, and what techniques work (and don't work) for me, mostly in the context of my emotional health. Obviously, focusing on repeating, negative visions doesn't work. Fighting with my boyfriend doesn't work.

Sometimes I light a candle on my altar and pray to my gods to get me through.

One of my primary coping strategies has been similar to what i do when i'm sick - rest in front of the tv or Hulu to take my mind off things, comfort foods, tea. Chamomile is particularly calming to my nerves. If I want company, snuggling with Jack and letting him play with my hair or rub my feet are also soothing.

...Oh cheesus. I just realized that last paragraph reads too much like the reports I write for work. So with that, I think it's time to wrap up and go watch another episode of Hell's Kitchen. Maybe finally Elise will get kicked off and the drama will end..