4 Tools for Self Love

Kelly Ann over at The Four Queens has declared this September as "Self-Love September."  I love that idea and I've been really inspired by all the vlogs about self-love she's been posting over on her YouTube channel.  I want to better embrace self-love in my own life - I think I do an okay job sometimes, but I know I am as guilty as the next person of being unnecessarily down on myself.

So in the spirit of Self-Love September, I wanted to share a few of the self-love tools I use in my life.

Create a Self-Love Mantra
A couple of winters ago I was going through a particularly rough time.  I had just lost my paternal grandmother, and I had gone through an extremely difficult break-up and was feeling guilty about it.  On top of that, I was also feeling guilty and confused when, in the wake of this break-up, I started developing feelings for someone else.

In a fit of inspiration one day, I wrote a mantra for myself that has greatly defined how I approach self-love:

I am on my personal journey to ecstasy.

I wrote this mantra to remind myself that I am not responsible for other people's happiness, only my own.  That I will communicate with my friends and partners with openness, honesty, and compassion about my needs and limits, and that I trust them to do the same.  That I am allowed to have a relationship that fits where I am emotionally, mentally, and physically, and not just one that fits where my partner is in those respects.  

And most importantly, I wrote it to remind myself that I deserve to be happy, and to love and be loved.

I think a self-love mantra is a great tool for empowering yourself, to love who you are and what you want out of life, and to embrace being loved by others.  If you don't already have one, give it a go and write your own, or feel free to borrow mine.

Find a Crystal that Helps with Love
Way back when I was a baby pagan in college, one of the first crystals I bought for myself was a small, 4-ish-sided piece of rose quartz.  Rose quartz is a really good crystal for love, especially fostering love.  This piece has always particularly spoken to me of love for myself.  I usually keep it on my altar or in an easy-to-reach place underneath so that I can hold it when I'm dealing with things like self-doubt.  Sometimes I use it in mini crystal grids for self-healing and empowerment, like this one:

Other crystals that can be good for self love include sunstone, carnelian, citrine, and danburite.  A quick online search reveals there are many more that can potentially help with self love, self acceptance, self esteem, and clearing of self doubts.  I would also suggest handling your own crystals (if you have any) and asking them if they can help with self love.

Make Silly Faces in the Mirror
Lately, I've been having a lot of difficult days where self-love is hard.  So I've taken to making silly, ridiculous faces at myself in the mirror.  Being silly at myself adds that little bit of joy to my day, and reminds me not to take these hard days (or myself) too seriously.  I also like the self-love aspect of knowing that I am good at making lots of different silly faces!

I am completely ridiculous and I know it.  Might as well embrace it! ;)

Use Your Love Languages to Express Self-Love
By far, my favorite tool - and the one that helps me the most - is using my love languages to express self-love.  If you're not familiar with the concept, Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book describing the five love languages that humans use to receive and express love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.  For me, I feel I best express love with acts of service - specifically, preparing and serving food for loved ones - and also with physical touch like hugs, kisses, snuggles, and skritches.

So how does this translate to self-love?  I'll cook myself a delicious meal that makes me feel comforted - maybe a tasty and spicy stir-fry, or a cozy bowl of da'al.  Or if I'm feeling more physical, I'll snuggle up with a soft blanket and a book, or take a hot bath (it's like being gently snuggled by water!).  

Tempeh stir fry!  Om nom nom.

If your love language is quality time, make a date with yourself - treat yourself to a delicious meal at a restaurant, or spend a nice evening alone watching a favorite movie.  If your love language is gifts, try making yourself a gift, or even buying yourself something fun or nice - just be careful about this one, because you don't want retail therapy to become a burden on your budget.  Or maybe you best express love with words of affirmation - remind yourself every day that you are awesome, or try writing a self-love mantra like I talk about above.

What are your favorite tools to help you embrace self-love?

4th Blogiversary

Well, would you look at that?  Today is the 4th blogiversary of Stormy Heart!  Whee!

Fist bumps to all my followers!  (Ba-la-la-la-la-la)

Last year at my blogiversary I decided to re-brand my blog with a new look and a new name.  I haven't heard much feedback about it from you guys, so... I hope you've liked it?

It's interesting how much my blogging style has changed over the years.  When I first started blogging waaaaay back in 1999 over on DearDiary.net, most bloggers that I followed used their blogs as online diaries.  (If you want a laugh, go check out the emo ramblings of teenaged Stormy.  SO MUCH DRAMA.)

Now, it seems to me like blogging is much more about sharing ideas and entertaining your audience.  Sometimes that involves sharing your life, but it rarely seems to be with the intensity and depth it once had.  That may be for the best in some respects, given how we seem to share so much of our lives via social media already.

I know the changing blogging community has been on the minds of many bloggers lately.  What do you guys think about it all?

Anyway, thanks for stopping by to celebrate the anniversary of my little blog with me!

Asking the Wrong Questions?

In case you missed it circulating around social media earlier this week, Jason Thomas Pitzl wrote an excellent manifesto for the modern Neopagan community called Witchcraft Today - Witchcraft Tomorrow.  He wrote it for PantheaCon and then shared it on his website afterwards.  This work is truly glorious and resonates with Power.  I highly recommend all Witches read it!

As I read it, and in the days since, things in my head have started to click into place.  For years now - ever since I was forced to leave my former coven, and possibly even since before then - I've felt lost and stuck and unsure of my spiritual path, of my place in the world as a Witch and what I'm "meant" to do.  I've kept asking, "What is my true path?" but finding no real answers.

And I've been hiding in my uncertainty.

I think I've been asking the wrong questions.  And I've been seeking the wrong answers.

I need to find the right questions.  I'm going to start with questions like "How can I best serve my gods?" and "How can I best feed my spirit?"  And also, "What should I actually do with my magick?"  I will ask these questions of my gods and guardians, and of myself, and perhaps to others. I wonder what answers I will find - and what other questions, too.

New look, new name, & new URL!

I am so excited, you guys!  If you haven't seen my posts on social media lately, I am really pleased to announce that my blog has a new look, and a new name!!

Please say hello to Stormy Heart!

I am kind of in love with the font on my new header, you guys.  It is so, so gorgeous.

New Blog Name!
So why "Stormy Heart?"  Well, I'm a sea witch, so I draw a lot of my power from storms - especially thunderstorms and hurricanes.  I feel pretty energized by tornadoes, too, but we don't get many around here.  (Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever posted the story of how I conducted my tool charging ritual in a hurricane.  I will have to write that post soon!)  My magick and spirituality is definitely influenced by that energy - it can be wild and swirly, but there's a definite "eye of the storm" center somewhere inside me that helps focus and direct it, and keeps me grounded.

New Look!
Before I had even decided on a new name, I decided a new look was in order.  I found a spiffy free template online that was very blue and very blocky looking.  Unfortunately after a couple days of working with it on my blog I realized it was terrifically buggy, and wasn't really fitting the aesthetic I wanted after all.

So then I decided to start over (again) by creating a header image, and going from there.  I ended up going back to one of the standard Blogger templates and customized away - and I am much, much happier with it!

I still have a few tweaks to make, like the social media buttons in the corner, but overall I'm rather pleased with it.  I hope you like it too!

New URL!
Anyway, you may have noticed the new URL: http://stormy-heart.blogspot.com.  I set up a permanent redirect from http://heartacheintobeauty.blogspot.com, so hopefully that will help folks finding me.  And I'm in the process of changing my name & URL over on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Bloglovin, etc.

However, I strongly recommend you update your RSS feed readers, bookmarks, etc. to pull from http://stormy-heart.blogspot.com from now on, to make sure it brings up the right posts.  (If you click on the RSS button in the top right corner of my blog, that's the easiest way!)

So, yay!  Seriously, I actually feel excited to blog again.  I haven't felt this motivated about blogging in a long time.  Is that weird?  It feels like part of what I really needed to get my creative mojo flowing again was to freshen things up around here.  And having a name that fits me and my blogging interests better makes me feel more authentic as a blogger.

Happy 3 years to me, and new blog design coming soon!

The 3rd anniversary of Heartache Into Beauty slipped by quietly this year, just like it did last year.  Happy (very belated) blogiversary to me!  I can't believe I've had this blog for over 3 years!

I know I haven't been posting very much since my last blogiversary, mostly because until recently I've been massively busy at work, leaving me too mentally and physically exhausted at night to work on personal projects.  I've also been struggling really hard with my depression and anxiety this year, which has been killing my motivation to do creative things like blogging.  I haven't even done anything with my new book of shadows, although at least I finally figured out what to call it: it will be my Book of Lore & Craft.  That name resonates so well with me :)

Thankfully, with the shifting weather (and less work craziness) I'm starting to feel my own shifting  - I feel a bit rejuvenated, and my creative impulses are starting to fire again.

I think that positive shift merits some external changes to this blog, especially considering that after 3 years there have been definite changes to what I'm interested in posting about.  I found a spiffy new design that I love, and I'm going to be rolling it out soon - that is, as soon as I figure out how to install an .XML file into my blog layout and customize its features.  Err...  Any advice for a blog design newbie?

I'm also pretty sure I want to change my blog's name.  "Heartache Into Beauty" had a lot of meaning for me back when I started this blog in 2011, but the content and tone of my posts has changed dramatically since then.  Obviously if/when I decide on a new blog name I will post here, there, and everywhere about the new name and any URL changes, etc. that will affect the way you read this blog, so that you can update your feed readers and what have you.

Time for a New Book of Shadows

Now that I've been solitary for a while, I've been feeling a pull to start a new Book of Shadows.  My old one is in a binder, and contained a large amount of material that is no longer relevant to my path, like outlines for coven rituals and the Wiccan rede.  More importantly, the binder is falling apart big time.

Enter Etsy!  I debated getting a scrapbook from a craft retailer, but after poking around on Etsy I found this lovely sketchbook/journal.  I adore the color of the leather, the stamping, the rivets... :)  Blessedly the paper is unlined, unlike almost every other lovely leather-bound journal I looked at.  (I don't want lined paper so I can write in any size I want, draw, paste images, etc. without it breaking up the page.)  The paper is recycled too, which suits the sustainability ethic of my path. 

The only downside (which I did not know when I purchased it) is that the cover is not entirely leather but is cardboard covered by a thin layer of leather.  So, it's a bit flimsier and prone to damage than I realized, but I think it should be fine for a good many years if I take care of it.

I haven't added anything to it yet, but it's starting to take shape in my head.  I'm thinking I want to put in there the things like my personal prayers and invocations, the few spells I actually use, and the successful pathworkings I've used to start.  I may also add my knowledge about things like my gods and guardians and listening to Spirit.


But I feel like before I can add anything it needs a name.  "Book of Shadows" is a Wiccan name that just doesn't resonate with me, primarily because I don't believe my faith or work has to remain in the shadows.  So what the heck do I call it??

I have a few ideas, like Book of Magick, Book of Magickal Knowledge, Book of Lore, Book of the Craft, Book of Craft & Lore, and Book of the Work.  Right now I'm leaning towards Book of Craft & Lore.

Do you have a Book or journal where you write down things like your beliefs, or magickal/religious knowledge, or spells?  What do you call your Book?

Bittersweet Easter

Last night some of us from my Mom's side of the family met at Mom-Mom & Pop-Pop's house down the shore for Easter dinner.  It was bittersweet, because Mom-Mom & Pop-Pop have decided to sell the house and move to a smaller ranch home in a retirement community nearby.  So it was the last formal family dinner at the house they've owned for about 30 years, and lived in full-time for 20 years.

The house is huge, with 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, long dining room and a really big rec-room they added on when I was a teenager.  When we were younger, there would often be weekends where the house was full of aunts and uncles and cousins.  And there was always good food contributed by all.

When I walk in that house I hear my aunts and I shouting and laughing over a game of Double Solitaire, which more often than not ended with my Aunt Dot triumphantly going "out" and winning.  I smell all of the summer breakfasts of pancakes and scrapple and bacon that Mom-Mom cooked.  I see Easter baskets for all the cousins covering the dining room table, and beach towels and bathing suits hung willy-nilly in the bathrooms after a long, sandy day at the beach.  I feel love. 

So much love.

It feels like home.

I thought they were being pressured by someone in the family to move "for their own good."  I was also worried that they were moving because they didn't know about all of the resources they could take advantage of (often paid for by Medicare) such as a home aide and a stair lift.  But after talking to them yesterday it seems apparent that it is their choice to downsize, that they would feel old and trapped by them rather than freed.

I'm going to try to go down there In June for one last long vacation down the shore, just me and the grandparents, and lots of beach time.  And when it's time for them to move, I'll go help - but I'm not sure I'll be able to hold it together (just writing this I'm crying).

Maybe the next time I'm there, I can bring home some part of that house - some stones from the yard, or a piece of wicker furniture maybe? - so that I always have that piece of my shore "home" in my own home.

Make a Song Out of Your Affirmations

Source: sunstone-holistic-health-and-healing.com via Heartache Into Beauty on Pinterest

I mentioned on my Facebook page recently that I can feel a new chant percolating in the background.  I'm not sure what it will be about yet.  I've embraced several affirmations for 2013 and they've been really helpful to me.  Maybe I should try to use one or more of my affirmations as inspiration/lyrics for a chant, like the graphic says. 

The Morrigan has also been poking at me to write a chant for her specifically for use at the Conjure Dance.  I've never written a chant specifically designed to facilitate trance, but I am up to the challenge :)

So I know I haven't been posting much on here lately.  I've been living life!  Real life > the internet ;)  I've been doing things like dating, seeing my high school friend and her sweetheart get married, live tweeting American Idol, getting new glasses, and hanging out with my amazing, genuine friends at Piratz Tavern.  Work has also been keeping me pretty busy.  Trying to keep a work-life-health balance has been a bit more challenging than it was over the winter.

30 before 31 update

It's been about 6 months since I wrote it, so I thought I'd post a little update about my 30 before 31 list.

Make my blog more awesome and increase readership - working on it!  I moved to a better blogging platform, started a weekly feature to share pagan music, and I've now found a focus for my blog that most inspires me.  I also participated in Bloggiesta in March, which was super helpful. I also contacted someone about working together for a new feature I want to introduce this summer.  I am really proud of myself for doing that, because it was rather out of my comfort zone!

Get my 1^st degree initiation - as it turns out, I was denied initiation and I was released from my coven as of March 24.  I'm still regrouping from that.  Right now I need some downtime, so I've been keeping my personal practice low-key, and I'll be avoiding public rituals and other sorts of pagan gatherings for awhile.

Clean out my old room at my parents’ house - I made a big dent when I visited them a few months ago, and found some interesting treasures in the process, like an envelope full of letters from my pen-pals.  Next time I visit I'll tackle some more of those boxes. 

Get a tattoo of the mark given to me by Gwynn Ap Nudd to commemorate finishing my 1^st degree - I contacted a tattoo shop recommended by many friends, but failed to follow up on that after the degree kerfluffle.  I really need to contact them again to set up an appointment - I've been getting lots of pokes from Gwynn about that.

Grow my hair long again - well, it's growing.  Slowly.  But I'm actually debating cutting it as a release of the negative energies built up from the brou-ha-ha with my former coven.  (The Barbed Pentacle has an interesting article about hair and energy/magick, but be warned that it is definitely NSFW!)

Start an indoor herb garden - I have a kit, I just need to plant it already.


As much as I love to-do lists, approaching this list with that attitude was actually counter-productive.  I mean, the one thing I was was certain would happen (getting my 1st degree initiation) turned out to be a bust.  So instead I've been trying to approach it more like ideas to help me better my life - and if they don't happen, I'll just re-evaluate whether they even needed to happen in the first place.

Wabbit Season

More fun than the microwave!

Happy Easter!  I know that as pagans we don't traditionally celebrate Zombie Jesus Day Easter, but I've begun pondering the idea that following the holidays of my long-dead ancestors isn't necessarily the way to go for me.  I like the idea of celebrating the seasons as they occur where I live - like cherry blossom season, and beach season, and the season of marshmallow peeps, chocolate bunnies, and hyacinths.

Also, I'm kind of mildly obsessed with bunnies, so I'm really embracing that aspect of Easter this year.  They're all fluffy, and hoppy, and wiggly-nose-y.  Even though they disapprove of everything.

I am leaving in a few minutes for my parents' house in Philly for Easter dinner with the fam.  Whether you observe Easter religiously or not, or if like me you just celebrate the proliferation of chocolate bunnies, I hope you have a lovely Sunday!

Blog Actualization

Inside, I roar!

At this year's Sacred Space, I attended a workshop on being your authentic self by Lyratah Barrett.  She talked about how we spend too much time in our heads, not experiencing things because of fear.  She also talked about Abraham Maslow and summarized his steps to self-actualization - knowing you are, what you are, your likes & dislikes, your trajectory, your mission, your core values, etc. 

1. Experience things fully and vividly
2. In your life, develop a balance fear and risk
3. Shut out external clues (like other people's opinions) to right vs. wrong, correct reactions to a situation, etc.
4. When in doubt, be honest
5. Be willing to be unpopular
6. Know what works for you
7. Be willing to find out what others' perceptions are of you
8. Focus

There was some neat discussion following this about whether, as a spiritual being in a human experience, one can ever be truly authentic, or if our human experience is only a reflection of our authentic self.  Lyratah also challenged us with several questions, such as "What is your intention/goal in each interaction?" and "Are the challenges you're taking on interfering with or working towards your priorities?"

Although some of what was discussed about pain and choice rattled me for several days afterward, I've been finding myself pondering authenticity in writing.  Is my choice to move my career path to writing an authentic one?  Is my blog, as it is now, helping me work towards my priorities?  Is my writing authentic?  What is my intention in writing in this blog?

When I started this blog back in August, I intended to write about depression and anxiety from a spiritual point of view.  I wrote a few posts to that end, but in all honesty I am not willing to share my deep dark secrets with folks I am not close to.  I am also wasn't ready (mentally or economically) to explore any of the traditional and non-traditional healing modalities to deal with my issues, beyond self care.

What I've realized this week is that music is my healer, and my joy, and one of my biggest spiritual outlets.  Well, okay I knew this already, but what I didn't consciously realize is that sharing music is part of my healing and growth process.  Sharing music on this blog has been incredibly fulfilling to me.  Even if I only have a followers right now (and very few comments *over-dramatic sadface*), it brings me joy and healing to share music that inspires and moves me, and I can hope that it is inspiring or moving or healing for those that listen. 

So after pondering for many months about what to do with this blog, I've decided this is going to be a "pagan music and lifestyle blog."  I'm going to keep sharing music by pagan artists.  I'm also going to share my own music - the chants I write for rituals.  I'm not entirely sure what the lifestyle bit will entail, but probably more of what you've been seeing lately, like photos, crafts I'm working on, and such. 

Are you excited?  I know I am! :)